Rainy days always give me that feeling of wanting to pour my heart out either through writing or music. While typing this, I’m listening to Avril Lavigne’s Tomorrow. The word tomorrow usually denotes hope but ironically, the song brings out feelings of sadness and disappointment, at least for me.
“When you say that it’s gonna be
It always turns out to be a different way”
Much like promises that are broken. Sweet words that aren’t meant. A gift that has been given and then reclaimed.
It’s weird because sometimes I would just feel that something is off even though I have no idea as to what or who it is. I just have this sudden heavy feeling in my chest and then I’ll feel down for no apparent reason. Have you experienced that too? I don’t normally share it with anyone because most probably they’ll just say that I’m paranoid or crazy.
The thing is, I really hate it when I’m starting to be suspicious of someone. I don’t want to go through the same misery again. I like giving people the benefit of the doubt, especially those who are dear to me. Thus, it hurts so much when I learned that they aren’t being true. That can really shut me down.
I’m so tired of getting hurt. So I’m thinking that maybe it’s better to just be alone. To only have shallow relationships with everyone. In that way, I won’t get attached to people and if they decide to leave me, I won’t get hurt. At least not that much.
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